Testing Testing One Two Three

Posted on 12:10 AM by Tony Spunk

I'm a little bit puzzled about those new pregnancy test commercials on TV where some lady says the test can now inform you the exact moment conception takes place. I mean surely that could put a guy off his stride? I mean what does it do? Does it yell "Bingo!" when the dude blasts off a load? You're lying there with a saucy senorita, smoking a post coupling cigarette when some alarm bell starts clanging inside the lady's vagenie like a mutant church bell?

Also, it can apparently take several days for your little swimmers to actually penetrate that egg. The lady could be standing there taking notes on corporate finance from her boss, three days after you gave her sweet, sweet lovin', while wearing a tight pencil skirt, horn rimmed spectacles and a tight, tight blouse (sorry, I got sidetracked for a minute there) when suddenly this voice from deep inside her love canal yells, "ALERT! YOUR UTERUS HAS A SQUATTER!" It could be embarrassing, that's all I'm saying.

What's next, a pre-sex test that tells a woman if a guy is "the one"? Maybe it scans his credit report and tax returns and if he's on any sex registers before it will allow a lady to part her knees?

I'll tell you what sort of test I could use. One that warns me that a lady has a particular odor before I get her in a compromising position of no return. Maybe a little discreet text message that says "Smells like delicious strawberries" or "Stench like Danny De Vito's boob sweat" would be useful, to enable me whether to play hard to get or not.

You ladies could get a little test that predicts how long old Tony can last in the sack. The result will be in direct ratio to the size of your sweet badonkadonk. The larger your big, round ass, the less resistance I have, I warn you now. If your booty is tiny it takes me a little longer to get motivated.

What can I say, Tony's sweet lovin' is about quality not quantity.






9 comments:

ClaireMontgomeryMD said...

i just laughed til i cried. i have no clever or witty comment because i am speechless. bravo!

Tony Spunk said...

Sweet lady, you should perhaps lay off the rum first thing in the ayem. Or not. I like a lady who's tipsy. Hell my whole social life consists of those sweet beasts!

carissajaded said...

HAHAHA Best Post ever!!! I think I ended up here via Lola's site, and I'm not sorry. Your not the only one who could benefit from a scent test, BTW. We need a scan for fumunda cheese, and for skid marks, and for never shaven pubes...

I could go on forever, but instead I think I'll do some research to see if anyone is already working on a test to see if he's the one.

Tony Spunk said...

Mornin' sweet lady. And I take your point, us gents could use a little gentification sometimes in the stench arena, I dig that. I will have you know that I scrub my little Captain rigorously (sometimes VERY rigorously if you know what I'm saying) so he always gleams and smells of joy. And sometimes Nivea.

carissajaded said...

LOL well I'm glad there are some guys who take care of their junk... Too many that I've known think that Schwetty balls is appealing!

Gorilla Bananas said...

You like big butts? Me too. I can make my females ovulate by biting them.

Tony Spunk said...

Balls are important ladies, I respect that. Clean balls are uh. Something good. Suckable balls? I hope so.

Mister Banana Guy - That's a talent that sounds like good times to me. Of course I don't bite but if I thought it would make ladies get raunchy I'd take it up. I don't know about ovulating though, I'm trying to not grow a mini me.

The Peach Tart said...

Oh bless your heart. You gave me a good laugh this morning.

Tony Spunk said...

Thank you ma'am. One likes to make a lovely lady smile, you dig?