This Could Be Bad

Posted on 12:20 PM by Tony Spunk

What a weird assed few weeks my good buddies of blogville. I'm going to tell you something now that might cause severe disbelief and maybe even anxiety. And perhaps a tear of grief if you're a lady, hah. Don't worry ladies, I still love each and every luscious one of you. However, it appears I may have an actual girlfriend.

I know, right? Me, El Spunkarino, dating a lady, with roses and wine and goddamn romance, instead of just peeling off her slacks and banging her in my waterbed before sending her on her merry way. What's up with that, shit?

You know my philosophy, there are a lot of ladies out there to meet, greet and possibly bone and I enjoy getting to know as many of them as will let me. I'm an average looking guy, so I'm always delighted that the ladies allow me access to their private love chambers. I know I sound like an over cocky shit, but honestly, I'm grateful.

I've always been straight up about my intentions though. The ladies I dally with are just like me. They're not looking for a husband or a long-term deal, they're looking for fun, cocktails and a nice, hard eight inches they can ride to heaven and then we all go happily on our merry ways. Plus Vegas is a small town when you live here. You're going to run into the local gals again, it's good to be on good terms. Anyways, they know my intentions and I know theirs and all is hunky dory. It's like having a dozen friends with benefits, the benefits being you don't have to get all up in each other's business when you're not around each other.

But then I met Sally and she just sort of snuck up on me. I mean, I'm not ready to marry the gal or let her meet my ma or anything serious, but we've been out five times in all now and that's sort of a record for a commitmentaphobe like old Tony. Five times.

I admit, the first couple times were sheer unadulterated lust. Old Sally has an ass like a fine ripe tomato and I did ask her permission to tell you that. She's proud of her best ass-et. Her ass does things to me in a pencil skirt that make my knees give out. Every night I can't wait to get my hands on it amongst other things. And she has plenty up front too. I don't know what's happening to me, I'm in a constant danger of busting the zipper on my pants when she's around, if you get my meaning. You dirty dogs, of course you do. My Nivea pot's been sitting on the vanity unloved for two weeks.

So yeah I'm not sure "girlfriend" is what Sally is just yet, but I sure like being around her so we'll see how far it goes I guess. I haven't even lusted after another lady since I've been seeing her. I mean I've looked, sure, I'm not freaking Mother Theresa or anything, but no moves have been made. I just compare all the ladies to Sally. All I can think about is that round, ripe ass and her come hither eyes and zing, I've popped another button.

It might be more "in lust" who can tell? I just know that if a girl's eager to bang your scrawny drunk ass on the hood of your car in the parking lot, you must be doing something right.


Anonymous said...

Dude, what?


Come on.

Gorilla Bananas said...

Have you tried biting her rump yet? The best ones are so taut that it's not easy to sink your teeth into them.

Tony Spunk said...

Ya know, I believe I might have taken a nibble or two from that fine prime beef, yes. It is truly mesmerizing. Mmm rump steak.

Tony Spunk said...

Hey Veg, doll! You doubt my sincerity here at fidelity with one singular lady? You know me better than that.

Oh wait I kinda see your point.