Me Speechless? It Can Be Done

Posted on 3:12 PM by Tony Spunk

Hey there my little blogolas! Long time no see. This is because I’m still in the throws of being a lazy ass and because I’ve been far too busy dallying with lovely ladies to be writing here for the likes of you reprobates and delinquents. I’m joking. Y’all are beautiful people. We both know it. Your beauty knows no boundaries. But still, dallying with the ladies is mucho importanto.

Especially since, in all honesty folks, I’d been slipping a little lately in the lady department. Like my mojo packed its bags and took off for sunnier climes without me.

The Captain was also in mourning due to the lack of serious punani coming his way. I thought he might shrivel up and drop off from lack of use, so I had to practically buy stakes in Nivea for a while there to keep him in good working order, you dig? Don’t pretend like you don’t know what I’m talking about. We all do it. It’s good for one’s health. Or something.

Anyway, I’m back on the lady wagon, thanks to a hectic few weeks with a lady named Amber. I can’t quite decide if “Amber” is like, a porn name or the name of an innocent chick who works at the library. However I’m going to go with the former, because my Amber sure has some moves in the sack. She even kind of shocked me and well, that never happens. A guy has to draw the line someplace though, and someplace for me turned out not to be Brownsville, Texas, as I’d always assumed, but a lady who likes to take complete control in bed. Who’d have thunk that would derail old Spunky huh? Anyways, complete control to this chick means she down and out proposed an evening of switching roles. You know, in that way…

I was lost for words for a whole 20 seconds people. I mean this chick wanted to pound me. She hinted at having one of those strap-on contraptions that lesbian chicks apparently dig, and she wanted to try it out on my ass. Literally as it happens. Thing looked like one of Muhammed Ali’s legs! Hell no. I’m all for experimentation and all, but truthfully my chocolate starfish puckered up like a toothless geriatric sucking on a lemon just thinking about it. Tony’s posterior has a strictly ‘exit only’ policy. No foreign objects allowed.

I think she was kind of disappointed but what can you do? As that Meatloaf dude once famously said, “I will do anything for love, but I won’t do that.” Now I know what he meant!

Peace out guys.

12 comments:

The Vegetable Assassin said...

Wait a minute. You were speechless? And it wasn't on the news? Holy fuck, man! :)

Tony Spunk said...

Hey girl! There's only one reaction to a proposed tree stump in your back entrance and it doesn't require words, only fear.

Lulu LaBonne said...

Quite right Tony - the road to starfish trooping can get embarrassing (which is worse than painful) - we're currently having a chuckle about one of our BBC weathergirls, she recently took her boyfriend to hospital to get her fake fingernails removed from his bottom.

Tony Spunk said...

Oh dear. That brought actual tears to my eyes, lovely lady. No dude should have to suffer that indignity. I hope he at least had a good time first and can still sit down without medication? I'm not sure I can bear to think about it, truthfully.

ClaireMontgomeryMD said...

note to self: cross tony off the list for potential fantasy becoming reality candidates. damn.

Tony Spunk said...

Hey for you lady, who knows? Actually I do. No butt stuff for Tony. Tony's butt is purely for expelling stuff not insertion.

carissa said...

hahah I can't stop laughing. That girl was pretty brave.. I don't ever want to stick anything up anyone elses ass... unless it's something painful into someone I don't like very much. Either way, I'm glad you are getting some action Tony!

Tony Spunk said...

Then you are my kinda lady miss Carissa. Nothing in the ass for me. My ass is like a temple. Worship it sure. Just don't penetrate it with dubious items.

Tony Spunk said...

Then you are my kinda lady miss Carissa. Nothing in the ass for me. My ass is like a temple. Worship it sure. Just don't penetrate it with dubious items.

Tony Spunk said...

Then you are my kinda lady miss Carissa. Nothing in the ass for me. My ass is like a temple. Worship it sure. Just don't penetrate it with dubious items.

Dan said...

My God man, so we have actually uncovered some low level form of depravity that even you, yes, YOU, won't even sink too?

*Stops to see if the world has stopped turning*

Tony Spunk said...

Ya know, they do exist Sir. Now and then. When I'm feeling all benevolent and shit. Talking of shit, I am just going to go comment on your latest gem. Not that your entry was shit you understand, just...well, you know.