Pelvic Thrusting Into The Holidays

Posted on 12:04 AM by Tony Spunk

Well hey lazy people's of Blogland. Ok well I realize I'm the lazy fucker not you guys but honestly, I haven't been so much lazy as busy and incapacitated. Lots of work and lots of play. I thought about you all the time though. You guys are my everything. You guys and Martini on the rocks.

Also, I just moved my whole thing over here to Blogger from Wordpress. I wasn't feeling WP what with the lack of artistic freedom in the looks department and all. Plus all my buds are here, you dig? So hi Blogger! Sorry you guys that I couldn't actually export the damn thing as a whole therefore, I lost all your great comments. Goddamn technology shit.

Know what I've been doing? The ladies! Yeah. Some things never change right? Admit it, you don't want them to. Plus it's almost Christmas and the ladies flock to the city of lights looking for some holiday fun and that's practically my last name. I consider it a service to humanity. Those guys at the tourist board ought to take it into consideration. Maybe put me in a brochure or something. They could stand me next to say, the Stratosphere, in a symbolic display of phallic glory, while pointing out my adequate gigolo tendencies and how I'm basically a man-whore, except I don't charge a cent. I do it for the pure, undiluted love of it, ladies. You have a vagina? Tony can fill it. Let's leave it at that.

I've been kind of half seeing a lady named Mercedes. She's one of those chicks that tie her hair back and wear tiny little skinny reading glasses but you know that given the right encouragement, and maybe a few daiquiris, would totally undo a few more buttons on her blouse and be dancing on that table before you could get your pecker out. Plus, let's be realistic here, Mercedes is totally a stripper name, no? I've learned not to mention that however, as last time I ended up wearing a Cosmopolitan on my funky new satin shirt. It's a bastard getting cocktail stains out of your frills, man. And the stripper thing was totally a compliment too.

Plus Mercedes has a gigantic flat ass that belongs in a high-waist pencil skirt so the world can appreciate it. Either that or it should be gyrating on my manroot, either choice is fine.

She's a touch shy though. Likes to be wined and dined a few times before I can warm my hands in her love furnace. That's ok. I don't mind the chase. It's sort of exciting really. And it ensures I bathe regularly, in case the moment arrives unexpectedly. You don't want to have sweaty coconuts when you intend grazing a lady's chin with them, right?

For the record, I like to give them a light going over with a razor, then some Nivea, then I might spritz on a little bit of Giorgio Armani cologne. Really I have the best kept balls this side of the Continental Divide. Besides, if a lady has to have a balls-on-chin experience, it might as well be a pleasant smelling one. I'm pretty thoughtful like that.

I'm just putting it out there in case any of you ladies are ever in my zip code. You will never have a sweaty balls emergency with Tony Spunk! Wink.

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