Family Matters

Posted on 3:52 AM by Tony Spunk

Hey peeps, guess what? My sister, Georgette is in town from Arizona with my nephew and I'm kinda excited. I don't get to see much of them except weddings and funerals and plus it'll take my mind off schtoomping the ladies for a while, I'm thinking. Well maybe not entirely off it. But it will help.

Georgette isn't my true sister or nothing, she's technically my half sister. She's eight years younger than me and we have the same father - one Antonio Spunk II. My dad, to be perfectly truthful, got around a lot in his younger days. He and my uncle Dick used to play their instruments - in all senses of the word - in their mariachi band, all over the south and southwest in the sixties and seventies, so really I should be grateful he only spawned one secret sibling (that I'm aware of anyways).

I didn't know a damn thing about Georgette (or she about me) until I was 19 and she was still a kid. My old man's liver finally quit and he went to the great mariachi band in the sky and in his will (scribbled on a beer mat if you can believe THAT shit!) he left everything to my mom, me and to Georgette, who was news to both me AND my mom. There were also two letters, one addressed to me and one for Georgette, explaining the whole thing. Well I say "explain" - mine actually said, "Hey Bozo, guess who's got a kid sister? YOU! You take care of her, you big homo!" He had a way with words the old, drunk bastard.

I was kinda excited finding out I had a sister, but my mom was understandably less enthusiastic. She was all for digging up my father, castrating him with rusty scissors and putting his head on a pole in the yard as a reminder. But later, after she chilled out a touch, she encouraged me to contact my sister and we've been in touch ever since.

She's pretty cute too, you know in a perfectly brotherly affectionate way, you dig? I didn't even notice her bodacious ta tas or JLO ass because she's my SISTER y'all. My nephew is a trip too. A real little livewire. Likes tinkling on my organ a whole lot, so I guess some of my old man rubbed off on him too.

I just reread that sentence and saw "FBI" written all over it but I'm too tired to change it.

So yeah. Two days, zero punani. I am so proud of me.