March 20th 2011

I promise that contrary to rumor, I have not been in jail.

Not this month. Heh. Sorry about being the shittiest updater ever but sometimes I'm just up to my tits in life, good and bad and I never seem to have time. Either that or I forget to pay the cable bill again and you know. That's a pain in the ass when you log onto your blog at 3am, hammered on Jager and full of stories about hookers who might look a lot like a lady until your finger's caressing an Adam's Apple the size of a baseball. It can happen to anyone, guys.

What have you guys been doing in good old 2011? I hope you've gotten some kicking poontang, be you a lady or a dude. I mean nothing calms the soul like some genital harmony with a fox of the opposite gender, right? Or the same gender if that's what floats your yacht. Tony has no problems with the dudes who like to party in a sausage fest or ladies who do a little clam diving, you dig? It's all good. You all go on with your good funky selves.

As y'all know I'm all about the ladies, despite the fact I might look like a sexy, shiny bastard who can rock pink and knows too much about the life of Liberace. I don't get through a week without some drunken dude deciding I have a Barbra Streisand collection (and I do!) which obviously suggests to them I like to lick dude's taints and I'm okay with that assumption. I'm secure in my manliness.

Anyways, Pedro and I got a hectic spring gig schedule going down the next month or so. There's hardly going to be time to dry clean my satin suits between engagements and I've just spent an entire weekend drinking forties and polishing my organ in readiness. Now I just need a lady to polish my other organ and I'll be golden. Vegas is expecting a new slew of ladies to come in to town to drink some margaritas and encounter a sexy, shiny bastard with a glint in his eye and a zucchini in his pants.

Hope y'all are good?