Y'all will be happy to hear I've decided to become a priest! A really sparkly, entertaining priest! A priest who really, really likes ladies with no clothes on. A priest who has zero interest in little boys. Or religion.

No, really I just abstained from schtoomping any ladies this past five days or so because I have been tired and busy as holy fuck and really, it's about time I had a vacation or something. When the Spunk's too beat to interfere with the ladies, he needs some time to chillax, dig?

When I say I didn't schtoomp any ladies the past few days I meant none of my bodily parts entered anyone else's bodily parts. I didn't say I had no lady contact at all. I mean I was too busy to do much of anything but I had me a hot phone date with a lady called Cynthia who was visiting Vegas for a few days. I met her at a show but things being the way they were, ruffling around in her underwear was out of the question. By "the way they were" I totally mean, her husband was with her and he was very large and looked like he very much enjoyed hitting things. He might have had something to say about my hands on his wife's fine, round buttocks.

It didn't stop her phoning me the next night when he'd gone to the casino, and telling me in graphic detail what she wanted to do to me with her succulent venus fly trap. I might have even blushed. Nah, I didn't blush. It was impossible - all my blood was in my cock! That reminds me, I've gotta get some Lysol to get that stain off the wall before my ma comes round tomorrow...

So yeah, busy busy busy. It will end Friday night however and then I have the weekend off to just go out and hang with the ladies (shag till my willie falls off, as the Limeys say), so all is well. I just thought I'd check in with you fine folks. I know you worry about me. You are all goddamn peaches.