Hola buddies.

Sorry I've been away so long, I just know y'all have been crying tears of salty bereavement over it, but lament no more for I am back.

"Where have you been Tony?" do I hear you ask? Well I'm telling you anyways. I've been to the Olympics. Not even the porno Olympics either, the real deal up in Canada.

Technically I was there to visit an old buddy of mine now residing on Vancouver Island but naturally who'd go all the way up there and not check out some Olympic action right? Admittedly, my Olympic action consisted mainly of getting blasted in various bars in downtown Vancouver and waking up with my face in a puddle on the water front wearing a Team Canada hockey jersey and a pair of frilly ladies underpanties on my head, with no recollection of how either event occurred. I mean I'm all out, 100% American beef, ladies and gents. I don't know where the jersey came from but I imagine somewhere out there, there's some confused, intoxicated, hairy Canadian wearing a red and pink bowling shirt and some martini glass cufflinks. Anyway, that hockey jersey saved me from getting my ass kicked as it was the same day the U.S. creamed Canada in the hockey, you know, way before the Canucks kicked our ass yesterday. It was by the grace of that jersey I made it to my hotel in one piece.

Don't think I didn't check out some fine athletic ladies while I was there. My johnson gets a little zing whenever it sees a lady in a speed skating body suit. It's like when I was a kid and used to get a splendid boner every time I saw Jane Fonda in "Barbarella" on an old Betamax tape of my dad's, he used to keep at the bottom of his closet.

Dudes don't need to wear those speed skating outfits though. It doesn't do a dude any favors at all unless his wanger is the size of a fireman's hose and thick as a tree stump. No one needs to see your Olympic torches fellas. Sheesh!

So how are youse guys?